Struggling to succeed

Tears roll a lot lately as I struggle to stay on course. I feel amazing!!! 34lbs is huge SUCCESS  to me and I feel really great so what do I do???? I sabatoge myself with food!
No I didn't eat pizza and I don't touch fast food but a cookie here or a cookie there ...eventually causes damage on the scale!
Point is I've been told by others to not deprive myself have a cookie or that piece of pizza its ok. Well its not and that's not something I can do AND  be successful in my journey! its like an recovering alcoholic storing a bottle of wine for that "special " occasion. WRONG!!! Until I hit goal I have no wiggle room to eat bad food.  I Need to find another way to reward myself besides food
I WANT THIS SO VERY BAD AND ITS THE FARTHEST I HAVE EVER COME IN A JOURNEY LIKE THIS!!!! I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!!